I'm fanta-dreading buying season

Is the pressure getting to you yet?

Labor Day sales kick off the 4 months of mega-consumerism that push us right up to the end of the year—the annual marriage of pressure and discounts consummated on Black Friday and orgy-ing right up until New Year's.

As a recovering shopaholic (or, more accurately, shopping addict), I fanta-dread these months.

Fanta-dreading is a term I just made up for the sickening combo of desire, daydreams, and abject terror that these endless promotions inspire in my body. The texts, the emails, the social media ads, even physical reminders like postcards and billboards. Mindless online "window shopping" has long been a pastime of mine: fill up a cart with things I might want and, 90% of the time, leave it unbought. But when the deals get THIS good... it becomes a dangerous sport.

True, I've often had annual purchases that I plan for Black Friday, like my favorite planners that are always a killer deal. But even so, every year my cart would overflow with more and more can't-miss discounts because god knows what would happen if I pass up one single item that this store offers, am I right?

I grew up poor. We didn't always have enough food, and we rarely got new items. The advertising industry has been teaming up with psychologists for decades to prey on all my insecurities and fears—and yours, too.

So all this increased advertising is literally designed to make you anxious and worried. The whole POINT is for you to feel like something's wrong if you don't click "buy." You know that shopping spree where you went in sure you'd find plenty of holiday gifts but somehow came through with a bunch of shit just for you? Yeah, I've been there. And I've felt that slight lift of the existential dread that an unhinged (or just unnecessary) purchase can temporarily create.

Like, I GET IT, I truly do. I'm still healing my own relationship with Money and Stuff. I'm deep in this work, because I care about the planet, and my happiness, and not stubbing my toe in the dark every goddamn night on another box of crap.

I listened to "Abby Wambach: Will I ever be truly loved?" on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. The soccer star talks about how she thought athletic success would emotionally fulfill her... all the way up to reaching the peak of her career.

"There was no 'there' there," she said, acknowledging the gutting disappointment that the nebulous thing she was seeking wasn't on the other side of accolades and tournament wins.

I've been obsessively accumulating material goods since I started my sticker collection when I was 6. I savored catalogues and catalogued my desires. Every sale that rolls around seems like it's going to issue a New Me, full of possibility.

When what I really want is deep, devoted love.

And THAT'S what I'm usually looking for in the next pile of Yet More Physical Books I Will Just Get on Audiobook from the Library Anyway.

Where have you been looking for love?

Is it an activity that you relentlessly pursue, upleveling your skills at all costs? A perfectly curated wardrobe? Bookshelves that scream "I AM INTERESTING AND WELL-READ"? Self-help courses that lose your interest in the first two weeks? Dating app subscriptions? Communities that require you to adapt yourself to fit their expectations?

Before you buy, pause and ask yourself what you're really hoping for. What is the promise this purchase is supposed to fulfill?

And is there another, realer way to make that promise to yourself?

If you're tired of chasing, and just want to rest—let's talk.

I'm offering free 30-minute connection calls and $90, 90-minute coaching calls designed to take the pressure off and switch on your most important relationship—your connection to yourself.

You can book one of these coaching sessions anytime in the next 90 days. We'll figure out exactly what's in the way of accessing the love-iest love that you're meant to experience... and get your whole system to start working with you to relieve that stress.

Let's let go of the fanta-dread, y'all. Buying season is not what dreams are made of. Your one-and-only life is meant for love, connection—and your one-of-a-kind magic.

Much love,

Nat (they/them)

P.S. Want to de-stress and re-magic ALL of your relationships? I’ve got room in my 6-month, 1-on-1 coaching practice.